“My father passed away when Thabo was two. I was nine. I didn’t mind that he died,because we didn’t see him very much. But when I was older,I saw that it was because of him that we always had food and things,which we didn’t have after he died. I mean,we had food. But not so much meat. My mother planted mealies and morogo and we had the cow,so we had milk. My mother started working for the farmer with the big house. She worked in the fields. She would leave when it was still dark and come home when it was dark. And she became so thin. So thin. And weak. And then she couldn’t work any more. She got the sickness. So,I left school to take care of her and Bongani left school to take her place at the farm. Only Tshepo and Jabu are at school now. I know she is going to die. My mother. I will be the father then because I am the oldest. I am fourteen years.”   – Albert

What would I do if I were Albert?
By Moshe Lecheko

If my parents were dying or had died and I was the oldest of four siblings,I would have the responsibility of looking after the family when my parents are gone. If it were me,here’s what I’d do:

• I would start by talking with the counsellors in my community. They will know what resources are available and will tell me how to contact these.
• I would talk with the people at the clinic to find out of there is anything we need to do. For instance,we may need to get ourselves tested for HIV.
• I would meet with the headmaster of our school and tell him what is happening and ask for his advice.
• I would talk with social workers and join any local support groups for children of dying parents.
• I would ask my parents about everything I need to know about. Like where they keep papers for the house,our birth certificates,school certificates,family members to contact,and so on.
• I would ask for an opportunity to talk to the elders in my family.
• I would prepare my siblings and myself psychologically.
• I would commit myself to doing everything I can to ensure that my siblings and I are educated because it is through education that we will be able to live a better and more meaningful life.
• I believe that through drawing collectively on the support systems and structures that are already in place,however informally,I – as a vulnerable or orphaned child — will still be able to live a more or less normal life.
• Everything I do must strengthen and not disrupt what will be left of my family,for without the love,support and shared existence of a family,it would be difficult to grow up,to know who we are,to learn the traditions,morals and values of our culture and to conform to the broader society.

It is not the absence of the resource that is a problem;it is the ability to find,access and utilise the available resources that is the problem. There is a lot of support for orphans. I believe our people cannot always utilise the available resources that are at their disposal. So,if it were me,I would ask questions until I understand what help is available.

Preparing for Your Death
It sounds odd but it will be a gift and a lifeline to your children. Here’s what you MUST do to safeguard their emotional,physical and financial future.

1. Talk about your illness,about death,and about what will happen when you are gone.
2. Make memories together. Spend time doing things that you love together.
3. Prepare a will. Verbal instructions do not hold up in a court of law. Download a free template of a will from the Internet. Or ask a lawyer or other clever person to help you. Get witnesses to sign the will,make copies and get a Commissioner of Oaths to certify that they are true copies. Give copies to your older children,close family members,guardians and community leaders.
4. Appoint guardians to take care of your children after your death. Reach out and involve them in your family life already.
5. Get your and your children’s papers in order. Birth certificates,identity documents,grant applications,property ownership rights,access to bank accounts,etc. Make sure that at least two trusted adults,as well as your oldest children,know exactly what is involved,where the papers are kept and what the passwords are,if any.

Image credit:John Prere